Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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