How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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