he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
