Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
