My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
