Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
