i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
