You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
