Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
