it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
