yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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