since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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