im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
