I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
