i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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