rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
