i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
