I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
