We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize