you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
