not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
