did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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