On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
