I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
