Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
