Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
