Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
