Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
not ubering you a puppy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
