How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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