We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
