i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
