Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
