Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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