so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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