she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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