The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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