i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
