hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
