So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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