I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
