Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
