I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
