You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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