it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
