She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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