Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
