I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
