This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ttyl tear gas
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
