How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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