Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
