He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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