this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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