I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
