The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
