it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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