Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
