There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
