my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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