Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
