Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We need a shit load of segways right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
