Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
