I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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