just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
