After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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