I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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