I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize