i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
