Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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