another moral hangover. fuck.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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