return my video game
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize