Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
