Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
