Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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