She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
